“Look up at me and you will see a god.”

Do you practise faith?

Properly, now, allow us to rely the methods:

1. A selected chief, on this case a fanged, furry psychopath to whom I shall refer as FFS, has absolute authority with out accountability. (Sure, I do know that “psychopath” begins with a P and never with an S, nevertheless it nonetheless has the S sound. And, one way or the other, I feel FFS is a really applicable acronym for my cat, Louis Catorze.)

2. FFS is correct always.

3. FFS dictates all features of our life in nice element, together with the elements when we aren’t right here; if we absent ourselves, we’ve to make sure that one other devotee is ready to take over our duties.

4. FFS requires shows of behaviour which outsiders would possibly discover deviant. Does this embody, erm, welcoming pilgrims from all world wide and making them signal a e book? (I’m not joking. This really occurs.)

5. Devotees are monitored to make sure that we’re following the foundations. This monitoring contains screaming, creepy-staring and sleep deprivation, and generally we’re compelled to witness the ritual sacrifice of one other residing being as a well mannered reminder to not transgress.

6. Strategies of management are used to make sure that devotees don’t go off-piste (see earlier level).

7. A membership price is required to be able to stay within the good books of the FFS; in our case, that is free meals, free board, free medical care, and a standing order right into a financial savings account owned by the FFS.

8. Information exist which doc the nefarious methods of the FFS, together with his abuses of devotees. If you wish to perceive the extent of the complete horror, look right here.

In case you thought you led a secular life however discovered your self nodding alongside to a lot of the above, maybe you, too, are beneath the spell of a FFS (or a minimum of a FS)?

What do you imply, I’ve “simply described a cult and never a faith”? That might counsel that cats are narcissistic, controlling people who exploit our weaknesses …

Oh. By no means thoughts.

I’ll conform to no matter he desires.

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